I’m a mom, I work full-time, and I act with a local community theatre. This means I hear a lot of “How do you do it?” and “Don’t you miss spending time with your kid?”  Some people genuinely want to know because they are trying to do the same thing, and others use these questions as a way to mask their accusations that I’m a terrible mother. This post is for those who genuinely want to know. To everyone else-f$%# off.

First of all, yeah, it’s rough. I’m not going to lie, things get a little out of control sometimes, the house is a disaster, but I can’t give up any of these things. They each contribute to my personal and emotional (and financial) well-being. What works for me isn’t going to work for everyone, but here’s how I make it happen:

1. A supportive spouse. He enjoys watching me perform, helping me study lines and likes having some daddy-son bonding time. We equally share household responsibilities, and I would be just as supportive if he decided to join a bowling league or something. If you’re single, hopefully you have a best friend or family member who can fill this role, because a support system is crucial.
2. Know your limits. I perform in one full-length play a year, which is roughly two months of rehearsals 3 nights a week. The rest of the year, I might do a couple last minute staged readings, go see some live theatre, or do a one act with minimal rehearsal commitment. I like theatre, so I keep it in my life, but it’s really only a huge time suck for a couple months of the year and that’s what makes me happy.
3. Blue Apron and Kroger Clicklist. I do not have time to meal plan or grocery shop, also I hate both. Blue Apron plans three healthy and delicious meals for me each week and ships the ingredients to my house. It’s worth it. Kroger now has my favorite thing ever, Clicklist. You order all your groceries online (in my pajamas on my ipad), swing by the store on your way from work, and they load everything you ordered into your car.
4. Wake up early to make time for things that you love. I like having breakfast each morning with my kid at the kitchen table, so I make time for it. It’s very easy for me to choose this over an extra 15 minutes of sleep, for some of you it might not be. Especially for those of you who have kids who aren’t sleeping through the night yet.
5. Go to bed early. This clearly goes hand-in-hand with #4. Nothing good happens after 9:00pm, right? Don’t tell me if it does.

Those are my top five tips, hopefully they will help you in some way. I might also suggest “hitting the highlights” rather than deep cleaning and giving up on ever committing to watching a tv show on a regular basis.

So a couple months late, but we went to Traverse City, Michigan in late August for our first real family summer vacation and I’m still not finished talking about it. I have ALWAYS wanted to go “up north,” mainly because of their frickin’ brilliant advertisements. Their radio commercials are my zen. I wish I had them all looped together on a CD so I could listen to them as I sat in the bath with a glass of wine and candles.

Anyway, after much research and a careful consideration of each Pure Michigan commercial, I decided that Traverse City would be the perfect fit for the following reasons:

•  Affordable
• Within driving distance (8 hours, we don’t mind a bit of a road trip and neither does our kid)
• Family-friendly
• Lots of different kinds of activities
• Beautiful scenery
• Delicious food
• Alcohol (because Mama and Daddy might need a little something to make it through a full week of non-stop family time)

We decided to stay at Cherry Tree Inn and Suites because they had great reviews, their own beach, a pool and amazing rooms. We upgraded and went with the Leelanau Suite with a wraparound porch and Jacuzzi so that we’d have something fun to do after L’s early bed time. So worth it. This hotel did not disappoint, the room was gorgeous, comfortable, the view was amazing, beach was clean, pool was perfect, friendly staff, tasty breakfast. They even have a pirate ship on their beach for kids to play on! The only downside was that it’s on a busy road. It wasn’t noticeable inside, but when we sat outside at night, we could hear the traffic. We didn’t care (and this seems to be the case with most of the hotels in the area), but if you’re looking for more isolation, look for a rental cabin. Also-right across the street was a Walgreens-this was so PERFECT because we forgot/ran out of so many things.

Another important note is that there is a gorgeous Meijer just outside of town (you’ll probably see it on your drive in, it looks brand new), they carried a surprising amount of local products. Our room had a mini-fridge, so we bought picnic supplies and snacks there and picnicked somewhere new every day.

We are not vacation planners, we like to get there and just figure it out day by day. Traverse City is great for this, especially when we went, which was right in between the summer and fall vacation rush. We didn’t have to wait for anything. We ate breakfast at the hotel, picnicked for lunch, then went out to dinner each night. Here’s what we ended up doing:

Sleeping Bear Dunes. OMG, yes. Everyone will tell you that you have to do this and they are right. It is so cool, especially if you have kids who like sand. Don’t worry about getting to the top, we only made it to the top of the first hump. Climb as far as you can, go back down, get in your car and take the Scenic Drive, this is absolutely mandatory. Scenic Outlooks 9 and 10 are the absolute most beautiful places I have ever seen. The kind of beauty that makes you gasp and cry, I totally did both of these. TWICE. I had to see it one more time before we left. If you can only do one thing in Traverse City-do this scenic drive.

Children’s Museum. This is a pretty tiny place, but they have a lot of activities packed inside. Our kid is two and loved it, but I don’t know that anyone over 5 would think it was that impressive. We saved this for a rainy day…and apparently so did everyone else in the state. We got there when it opened and for about an hour it wasn’t too bad, then everyone came in and it was absolute madness. So go early or on a really nice day when everyone is at the beach. Young children will have so much fun!

Mission Point Lighthouse. The drive there is beautiful, take your time and stop at some fruit stands to buy some fresh produce-it was amazing. There are also tons of wineries. We didn’t stop at any because we had the kid, but if it had been the two of us, that would have been the main goal. The lighthouse was fun to see, there’s a nice little beach, but don’t waste your time paying to climb to the top. Especially if you have a young child. The steps are ladder steep, only three people can go at a time, there are no staff members managing the line and it is a crazy tourist free-for-all. I can’t even imagine the chaos during peak season. Enjoy it from the outside, look for petoskey stones on the beach, then move on.

Moomers. Go to the original one, you get to look at the cows that made the ice-cream as you eat it. They do tours and stuff too, but we were happy to just eat ice-cream and watch the cows. We went twice…I loved the chocolate salted caramel, and I don’t even like chocolate ice-cream. OH-they also have a flight of ice-cream, this was just fantastic. We tried 5 ice-creams all at once. Best day ever.

Jolly Pumpkin. This brewery was delightful. Another gorgeous drive to get there, tons of parking, great beer and food. The service was excellent.

Apache Trout Grill. This is a lovely restaurant with an amazing view and a nice tiki bar if you just want to grab a drink on the beach. The wall facing the water completely opens up. That being said, the parking is awful, food is only okay, especially considering what it costs, the service is passable, and it seems geared towards the retiree crowd. We didn’t hate it, but wouldn’t go back either.

Grand Traverse Pie Company. We love pie, so we saw this place and had to stop in. YUM! The pies were great, so was the coffee. They warm it up for you if you want and you get to choose ice-cream or whipped cream for topping.

North Peak Brewing Company. This was the first place we ate in TC, we found it while driving around. The beer was so great, food was awesome, so extremely kid friendly, service was good. We stopped at Meijer on the way home and took some of their beer back to our family and friends.

Taproot Cider House. This is not really kid-friendly, they have a kids menu, but no high chairs or boosters(?). We decided to try it anyway because there wasn’t a crowd at all. They have tons of ciders, of course, the ones we tried were delicious. Their food is all local/organic/vegan/glutenfree, all that sort of patchouli crap, but it tasted great! A little snobby, but the food and drink were worth it.

Those were all the things worth mentioning. There were so many other things we wanted to do and places to visit, so we’ll definitely go back. You really can’t go wrong, it’s a beautiful city with plenty of outdoor fun and yummy places to eat. It also didn’t seem very touristy. We only saw one other car with a non-Michigan license plate…Ohio. Honestly, it feels like you are visiting your friend in their hometown. What are you waiting for? GO already!

Scenic Outlook #9!

Pretty much since L learned to walk, we’ve asked him to help us with chores. He loves it. Now that he’s two, he is actually quite helpful. Asking a two-year-old to help with chores requires a lot of patience but it’s been worth it. He’s gained some independence and feels like a contributor, we don’t have to follow around behind him cleaning up messes constantly. These are the things we ask him to do:

-Help unload the dishwasher. He stacks up plastic plates, put utensils in drawers and cabinets he can reach, hand us plates, bowls to put away. He have colorful dishes, so we also use this to work on the names of colors, or counting skills.

-Help set the table. Give each person a napkin, fork, plate.

-Help clear the table after dinner. Brings plates and cups to whoever is washing the dishes.

-Unpack groceries. We have him help get things out of the bags, bring items to us to put on higher shelves. He even carries in the lighter bags from the car!

-Put away his toys and books. Toys go into an open bin, books go on a low shelf.

-Put away shoes. We are all bad about taking off our shoes all over the house, but he will happily put them all back in the cubbies by the door.

-Throw away trash. Just small non-messy things like an envelope, napkin, empty container.

-Feed the dog. Our dog’s food is in a big tin with a plastic scoop. He pulls it out of the pantry a few feet to be close to the dog’s bowl, takes off the lid, gives him a big scoop of food, and pushes the tin back into the pantry.

-Carry in the mail. I get it out of the box and hand it to him.

-Water the flowers. I just put a small amount of water in a regular watering can, but I’ve seen child-sized ones too.

-Pick tomatoes, beans, and strawberries in the garden. He loves this and asks to do it every day.

-Sweep up small messes. We ask him to clean up things like spilled dry cheerios with a small dustpan and broom brush.

-Clean up spills. If he accidently spills milk or drops food on the floor, we hand him a towel and have him clean it up. We may have to go back later and “touch up” but we do this when he’s out of site.

-Put laundry in hamper.

-Sort clean socks. We dump out a basket of clean laundry and he puts all the socks in a pile, we’re starting to work on learning how to match them up.

-Put away laundry. We hand him a small stack of folded laundry and tell him where it goes (“put these dishcloths in the bottom drawer”).

He’s usually pretty proud of himself and high fives us afterwards, but of course, there is always the occasional day where he refuses to do anything. But you know, I’m the same way, so I can’t really fault him for that.

 

My son finds the simplest things so indescribably impressive. A freshly picked summer tomato, a big truck, a dog, a new book. His eyes widen, his mouth drops open, he yells and claps his hands as if he just won the lottery.

I shared a picture of him in this state and my best friend commented that finding joy in the “mundane” was a trait he clearly inherited from me. I laughed, then paused to think. It’s seldom the big things that I find mind blowing. Traveling, skydiving, Stonehenge… these are all things that have failed to excite me. The things that truly bring me happiness are seeing a rabbit in the backyard, watching the sunset through the trees, fresh snow, a hot cup of coffee, big hugs, a homemade meal, making birthday cards… But emotions aren’t transferred in our DNA, so how did he end up just like me? I thought back to the moments that preceded his excitement.

“Okay, help me put the dirt around this little tomato plant…be gentle! One day, it will give us so many yummy tomatoes! Let’s go out and water our tomato plant, we want to keep it healthy! Do you see those little yellow blooms?! Those will be tomatoes soon! Oh my goodness, Linus, do you see those green balls? Those are our tomatoes! We can’t eat them yet, we have to let them grow a little more. It’s time!!! See how they’re orange and red?! That means they are ready to eat! Let’s pick them and eat some!!”

“Oh my gosh-Linus! Do you know what I see?! A BIG TRUCK! Can you hear its loud engine?! Wow! It’s taller than our car! Do you think we can catch up to him?! WE DID IT! Can you wave at the driver?”

“There’s a dog! Do you think he’ll bark? Would you like to pet him? I’ll bet he is so soft! AH! He licked you!! He gave you a big kiss! He likes you!”

I’d never noticed how much I was shaping my child’s personality by the way that I reacted to the things around us. Every day seems so routine at times and it was never something I thought about. I worried about the food he was eating, his sleep habits, milestones…but I never once really thought about the way that he saw me. I thought he was still too young to think of me as a role model. I guess I’m doing alright, but wow, I could be better. It makes me feel so ashamed of the times I’ve yelled at other drivers, cursed after spilling a drink, or rolled my eyes on a phone call. There’s always room for improvement, I guess!

Oh, and if you need more proof, the new book was delivered to Linus from my parents in the following manner:

“Hey Linus!!! We’re back from Seattle and we brought you something SO NEAT! You’re never going to guess what it is!! It’s a….. BOOK! We brought you a brand new BOOK all the way from SEATTLE! It’s about BEARS! Do you want to read it now? WOW! Look at the big BEAR! Turn the page and look!! Another bear!!!”

Like parents, like child.

You would not believe how hard it is for people to understand why you refuse to give your baby or toddler sugar. I was shocked that I had to start fighting this battle before my son was even 6 months old. They act like I am locking him in a basement or depriving him of oxygen.

If you want to give your child sugar, that’s your choice. My choice stems from the belief that we’re raising a healthy eater for life and sugar is a drug. Go ahead, roll your eyes, but my kid is the one eating salmon, lentils, spinach and green beans like a boss. I didn’t breastfeed for 8 months, then make organic baby food from scratch for 6 months so I could ruin it all by giving him a substance that leads to major health problems. Don’t give in to the disapproving masses, get creative!

Here are some super healthy (and ridiculously easy) treats my son loves:

Banana “ice-cream.”  Peel and slice a ripe banana, freeze. Blend with a little milk (start with a splash, then continue adding as needed) until it reaches a soft-serve consistency. Top with some cut-up fresh blueberries as “sprinkles.” This is a great way to use up overly ripe bananas, don’t throw them away!

Smoothies, AKA “noisies.” Add any combination of frozen fruit (our favorite is frozen mixed berries), plain greek yogurt, and milk. Avoid the temptation to add fruit juice or honey, they will probably love it without additional sweetener if they aren’t used to sugar in the first place. Sneak in some kale or spinach if you’re feeling brave.

Popsicles, AKA “packles.” Anything in a popsicle mold is instantly more appealing. Freeze leftover smoothie, or go a little crazy and mix fresh-squeezed OJ with some cream and a drop of vanilla for a “creamsicle” type dessert. Tip: buy smaller molds to avoid a big mess. The larger the mold, the longer they will have to melt and get everywhere.

Cake. That’s right, I even made my kid a healthy banana cake on his birthday and will do it again this year! Such a mean mom, am I right? I used this recipe, which even includes icing: plain greek yogurt. You can add different colors of fruit and veggie puree for decoration (the ones in pouches work great, or make your own)! It worked beautifully for a cake smash and he loved it.

If all else fails, raisins and unsweetened applesauce are also his jam.

Sugar doesn’t buy love. The memories that typically accompany it do. Baking together, sitting in the summer sunshine on a porch swing with a sweet treat…you can still do these things without giving your child a higher risk of developing diabetes, obesity or heart disease.

Recently, I’ve become obsessed, OBSESSED, I tell you, with Summer Home Tours all over the blogs I read. I love seeing inside of other people’s houses, especially when they are all so clean and perfectly coordinated. I am of the mentality that I am looking for a “forever” design, so the idea that people switch out throw pillows, art and knick knacks to reflect the season or their mood sort of blows my mind. And people even have organized closets dedicated to holding all of the different items? Wow. Just wow. I clearly need more time, patience and money. HAHAHAHHAHAHA.

Anyway, reading all these blogs inspired me to take you on a summer tour of my home. Lucky you, occasional random reader of this blog! We built a house three years ago, and shortly afterwards had a baby, so it is pretty much exactly the same as when we moved in, except for a few rooms with crazy paint colors because I’m a bit spontaneous with color. I do however, have a list of ideas to complete “one day,” so here’s hoping.  

Here’s our master bedroom. As soon as I saw the tray ceiling, I thought that it needed to be this bizarre color of vivid green. I currently regret this decision and some day, I’m going to paint that some other color. Fuschia?

Also, note the fan without a cover for the light. I’ll save that whole story for another time, but let me tell you that it involves the globe crashing down in the middle of the night and is all Allen + Roth’s fault, so I’ll never buy that brand again.

My husband also has a flair for the creative and thought a nice set of ties would make to-die-for window accessories. He also enjoys using the throw pillows as pants-holders. I love his eye for detail!

Our outdoor living space is truly a delight.

You’ll notice our “grass” is actually clover and that we hate to mow. I’m sure the neighbors despise our “au naturale” look, but we have a lot of bees and butterflies, so I’ve started referring to it as our “pollinator habitat.” Doing our part to save the Earth, so you’re welcome.

My son enjoys instructing people to lay down on the patio so he can make a crime-scene style outline of their body.

Fun fact: this table top is glass and if you leave the umbrella up on a slightly breezy day, it will shatter completely. This is version 2.0 of this exact table.

You’ll also see two plants I very nearly killed. I brought them outside to let Mother Nature handle them. She is a plant healing genius.

Every year, I try to grow various herbs, and my cilantro immediately turns into coriander, which I hate, but repeat the same process year after year because I secretly enjoy the disappointment.

Here’s a raised vegetable garden I’m attempting. There are beans, peas (don’t ask me which is which…I have no clue), tomatoes and strawberries. All are flourishing. So far, I have harvested 1 strawberry.

Every now and then, I come across something on Pinterest that I NEED to do, like shibori some pillowcases or make some hanging planters out of jute. I subject our loft to these types of experiments since people generally don’t see it until they get to know us.

I have a soft spot for spider plants. I can’t let any of the new babies die so my house is full of spider plants and I’ve given them away to everyone I know. Enter the hanging planter. I have plenty of open ceiling space, so I’ll just continue to hang them until my ceiling resembles the canopy of a jungle. Also, we really like blankets.

Thus concludes our Summer Home Tour. Please join us in a few months for the Fall Home Tour (where everything will look exactly the same except all of the outdoor plants will be dead)!

I can’t shake the feeling that right now is the best time of my life and I’m missing it because of work.

I wish there was such a thing as reverse retirement. Why hasn’t anyone else thought of this? I’d like 20 or so years off now, when I’m in relatively good shape and health, to spend time with my son, who is wildly fun and currently believes I hung the moon, to cook actual meals and establish good eating habits, to get in the habit of exercising regularly, to make home improvements, to travel with ease and to spend my time as I wish. In 20 or 30 years, when my son no longer needs me, my aging body no longer moves with such ease and I have so little to look forward to each day, I will be content to work until the end of my days. In fact, returning to work at that time may actually inspire and rejuvenate me, refuel my sense of purpose and belonging. Instead of sitting in a rocking chair, watching TV or tending to some flowers in a backyard garden, counting down the minutes until my children and grandchildren can find time to visit me, I will have a place to go every day and fulfill a need in the world. I will have motivation to interact with new people, stay current and learn new things. When the sadness of death and disease is consuming the lives of my friends and family members, I will have an escape, a distraction, a force that drives me to overcome my despair and sorrow. I would have no reluctance at assuming more responsibility, climbing the corporate ladder, or working overtime because there wouldn’t be a small boy at home, waiting to jump into my arms.

My son is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have a hard time believing that any future prospects could compare to the joy of loving and raising a child. During a minor argument with my husband last night, I burst into tears and confessed this revelation. He laughed gently and did his best to console me, but I think I hurt him. Our first date, our engagement, our wedding day and our many adventures over the last six years have been wonderful, but they pale in comparison to the day nearly a week after our boy was born, when I sat in the nursery glider, rocking him in my arms and staring down at his perfect sleeping face. A wave of love and awe rushed over me, so strong and certain that it felt like God was actually there. I had been hesitant to allow myself to love this child, having lost our first a year before, shortly after discovering I was pregnant. I didn’t feel capable of handling that sense of loss again and protected my heart fiercely, hardly daring to believe that I would one day be able to hold him just like this. I was worried that the wall I had built was permanent, that I would always feel a sense of detachment to my own flesh and blood. But on that day, at that moment, the wall came down and I felt true, pure love. I was overwhelmed with relief and gratefulness. My husband came in to find me crying over our newborn and all I could say was, “I just love him so much.”

Maybe when I retire, there will be another moment with God, one of relief and gratefulness that restores my faith and sense of purpose to a life no longer filled with children. Maybe I will be able to love my husband more and appreciate our time together, instead of longing for the past when Cheerios covered the floor and crayons marked the walls. Maybe retiring and growing old won’t be as lonely, depressing and unfulfilling as I envision. I hold on to hope that I am wrong and those days truly will, somehow, be my “golden years.” In the meantime, I’m frantically trying to imagine how I could make reverse retirement a reality.

The other day, I was giving my son a bath when he made THAT face and squeezed a man-sized turd into the water. Deftly,  I reached into the tub with my bare hand, scooped it up and placed it into the toilet.

…

I have officially been a mom long enough to withstand the things that would have made teenage me vomit uncontrollably.

Oops. I started this blog because I was annoyed that I could only find blogs written by stay-at-home moms. I loved them, but they made me feel bad for working. They get to spend so much time with their kids, building cute crafts, making elaborate dinners, going on outings to libraries and parks, all while looking fit and fashionable.

I realize this isn’t the whole story, but I wanted to read about someone I could relate to. A mom who occasionally resorted to wearing clothes out of the hamper, consistently ran late, ordered pizza for dinner way too often, considered bed-head a legit hairstyle, celebrated the fact that she remembered to refill the dog’s water bowl and keep plants alive and somehow, still managed to make her family feel loved. And still had time to write a blog. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Obviously, the latter can easily get put off indefinitely until an email reminds you that you paid for the domain so you should at least commit to posting once a month. So I’ll try to be better, but I make no promises.

I have lived in a pretty rural area my entire life. Not on a farm, but close. Oddly, I had never before heard the term “chicken meeting” until recently. I guess it just took that long for people around here to discover social media. Anyway, I keep seeing all these posts about local businesses hosting these chicken meetings and they make me laugh every time.

I don’t even want to know what they actually are because there is no way they can compare to the scenarios I envision: