I’ve been acting for 18 years now and theatre has been submersed into my soul and tightly woven into the threads of the fabric that makes up my life. I didn’t realize how complicated this relationship had become until recently. I performed in Almost, Maine when I was pregnant, then took a two year break from the stage. Working full-time meant I only had such a small amount of time with my son anyway, I couldn’t bear to give up any more of him. It felt selfish.

Then, one of my oldest friends, who has been on this theatre journey with me the whole time, had an actress drop out of a show he was directing. He turned to me with an email that started out, “I know you don’t act any more but…” I was shocked. When did this happen? OF COURSE I STILL ACT…it just hasn’t been on a stage for a few weeks…months…wait, years? Years. Where did I go? I talked to my husband, who was surprised that it had taken me this long. He was more than supportive and told me it was something I needed to do.

After a few rehearsals, I felt less stressed, less worried, less angry, less depressed and more…me. Funny to discover that I need to pretend to be another person in order to find myself. I went out with the cast for a drink one night after rehearsal and had FUN. I think I’ve been telling myself that the only time I’m allowed to have fun is with my child. That just can’t be true, your entire world can’t revolve around this tiny little being 24/7 without any breaks.

I’m not saying I need to go out every night, but I didn’t know how important it was to have my own life and continue to do the things that I love. I thought that because I loved my son, he would just become my new hobby and that’s really a lot of pressure for a kid.

I had an amazing childhood and it wasn’t because my parents hovered around monitoring everything that I did. They were on a bowling league, went out with friends, worked full-time and somehow, we still have beautiful memories and are all extremely close. I don’t know how I didn’t realize this sooner. Having a child doesn’t mean giving up everything else, it just means rebalancing the spinning plates on the pole. Maybe they’ll crash at some point, but it doesn’t mean I can’t start over, I’m pretty sure they’re Corelle.